My Breastfeeding Story

I know, I know... another booby post!

I thought I'd let you in on some of the good things and bad things I've had to deal with through my short experience so far with breastfeeding.

The bad. Nolan was born via emergency c-section that I had to be sedated for. I didn't get to nurse him until about 2 hours after he was born, probably longer. We had latch problems because of my inverted nipples and we struggled for a couple days to find the correct size nipple shield and a comfortable nursing hold where my HUGE breasts wouldn't suffocate him. We settled on a larger than normal size nipple shield (not quite sure of the size) and the football hold worked wonders in the beginning. We eventually were able to utilize other holds like the cradle hold but that took a few months to get used to. Also we used the shield for an entire 4 months.

The shield was annoying, yes, but I couldn't imagine life any other way than nursing my baby so I stuck it out. It was tedious washing it before every feeding, struggling to get it on while he is screaming, readjusting every few minutes when it slipped off, worrying if he was getting enough milk because sometimes the shield doesn't allow the baby to adequately drain the breast... I just kept telling myself that there was no other way. Sure, I could pump and feed that to him but that was even more tedious to take the time to pump and then the time to feed him. Sure, I could pump a bit to get my nipples out and then feed him but again it took too much time and even then my nipples would only come out for a few seconds so if he didn't quickly latch on, I was stuck with an even more upset, frustrated and hungry child. Sure, I could feed him formula but I knew the benefits of breastfeeding outweighed my selfish annoyance with the shield so I stuck it out. I routinely tried to get him to latch without the shield but he would just get more and more frustrated so I eventually gave up and was content with the fact that we would always need the shield. At least I could still breastfeed and I'm thankful that shields exist to facilitate breastfeeding for woman like myself.

One day while latching on, Nolan kept pulling away from the breast immediately after latching on. The shield fell off and as I was messing with it in an attempt to get it back on, he latched on all by himself, without the shield! I was exhilarated but tried to be calm because I thought "hey this could just be a one time thing." Well, it wasn't. Although I kept the shields on my beside table for about a month afterwards, he NEVER used the shield again. Yay!

More problems. The shield made it difficult for me to breastfeed in public because my nipple had to be out in plain view for quite a while in order for me to attach the shield. Even now, without the shield, I am too shy (okay I'm not shy but I'm terrified of what people might say) to nurse where people might see. I've nursed in my car in the back of a parking lot a few times, in changing rooms a few times and my most public has been at our neighborhood pool with a blanket over us. I just started nursing in public recently and I feel a little bit liberated every time I do. I want to sing "I am woman hear me roar..."

I do think it would be so much easier to just be able to pop out a bottle of water, mix a little powder in and feed him where ever we are. Its annoying sometimes to have to go to the car or find a dressing room or walk to a more private place at the pool and throw a blanket over a wiggling baby. I'm terrified that some parent will come up to me at the pool and scream that they don't want their child to see something so private. Now as Nolan is getting older, I'm starting to hear things about when I should stop- some people even saying that I should've stopped already- so I'm terrified that people may think of me as one of those "freaks" who is going to be giving my child an after school snack of cookies and mama's milk. I know I shouldn't worry about people judging me when I KNOW that it is best for my child to be breastfeed for at least a year, but I can't help but feel a little insecure about it.

Even worse. Once we got rid of the shield, I experienced what most brand new moms experience. Painful, red, blistered, sometimes even bloody nipples! Ouch!

I still never questioned my commitment to breastfeeding because I knew that this would quickly pass. The pain was worst when he was latching on, so as soon as I got through the first minute or so of nursing, I was fine. When the blisters were at their worst, I pumped that side for a few feedings because it seemed to feel a little better with pumping. I applied lanolin like a crazy person before and after each nursing and the pain lasted maybe a week. It did come back a week or so later for another few days because I got lax with my lanolin and proper latch and positioning but we haven't had problems since the first shield-free month (knock on wood).

The wonderful. I feel proud every day of my commitment to breastfeeding. I know it is best for him and I know it is best for me. I am 100% sure that the benefits outweigh the downsides of breastfeeding. I weigh less now (about 30 lbs less!) than I did pre-baby. I KNOW that part of this is because of the breastfeeding (the other part is chasing him around the house, being able to walk with him as much as possible since I'm not working, and being able to cook as healthy as possible and eating out less).

I plan to breastfeed Nolan for at least a year and a half and maybe up to two years. I plan to pump and give him my milk in a sippy cup as he gets older (probably up to around 2 years) and nurse him to sleep as long as he wants (again... probably up to around 2 years). I love the bonding time we have because of it and I love just looking at him while he eats. He is changing so much, so quickly that it is nice to just have the quiet time with just him and I to relax and enjoy THIS moment.

If you are thinking about breastfeeding, give it a try. You never know how it is going to be until you try it yourself. Don't listen to others tell you how painful it is or all the downfalls of nursing- it could be different for you and even if you do experience some pain, it will pass. One great piece of advice I heard once regarding breastfeeding is "don't quit on your worst day." Its a great piece of advice that can apply for so many things in life but certainly for breastfeeding.